Random

So, its 5:30 Saturday morning and I know I should be sleeping because I have to be at school today at 2pm, but I find myself waking up every night, and really not getting a full nights sleep. So I figured I could right. Maybe if I get some things off my chest, I will be able to fall back asleep. So here goes...
Have you ever heard of the movie "Never Been Kissed?" I know I have seen it, but I don't remember the entire plot. It was something about a 30 something year old never being kissed. Well, that's kind of how I feel right now but a little different. Instead of "Never Been Kissed," how I'm feeling is more like "Never Been Hugged." Do you understand? If not, let me explain...
The girl in the movie never knew what is was like to be kissed so she really didn't know what she was missing. However, I know what it feels like to be hugged. Being protected and loved is how I feel when someone I love gives me a hug. Well I haven't been hugged and I dunno, maybe its just all in my head, but I really feel as though something is missing. I haven't given a hug or been hugged since September 5th. Today is the 27th. That's 22 days without feeling the warmth and love of another.
I guess I took it for granted before because there was always someone there to hug or sit under or cuddle with. I'm a person that loves company (only of those who I care for) and doesn't like to be alone for too long, so this experience is very different from what I'm use to. Although I go and hang out with people regularly, when I come home, there's no one here. No one to talk to. No one to ask how my day is, and most importantly, no one to give a hug to when I need one most. Maybe I should have thought about that before I came here. But like I said, I just took them for granted and never thought about what the lack of a hug could do to a person.
I remember being in church one New Year's and someone was up talking and said that people didn't know how much they affected her. When she came to church every week, and she would get hugs from her church members, it would make her not just her day but her week. To know that someone was there if she needed them and cared about her. Now I know that I have people who care for and love me, but not being able to embrace them is kind of affecting me. I talked to a friend earlier in the week about feeling alone and not knowing if this was the right place for me to be. He gave me some Bible verses to read and I must say it did help, and I talked to my mom earlier and she "sent" me a hug. I loved the thought but her cyber hug and reading isn't filling that void that I have.
Am I making sense? I dunno. Maybe because its 5:53 in the morning and I'm still sick (I lost my voice yesterday) and a little groggy so I'm rambling. Maybe you understand. Maybe you don't. But I just know I could really use a hug right about now.
I guess I should try to go back to sleep. Only about four more hours until I have to get up.
Until Next Time...